Die With Me When I Die
Molly Gaudry

 

“What will die with me when I die, what pitiful or perishable form will the world lose?” — Borges

Two white slips on the wall unmentionable but that they were hers and they are there, where she slept and dreamed of us and decided she should die at her blue desk, my unanswered letters in its drawers, a photograph of the ship on which she met me one September holding five blue balloons, five blue balloons buoyed to her ceiling now and when they fall I wonder where they’ll land (on land we kissed the ground, I kissed her feet and she kissed mine), but because I cannot tell myself to enter stand at her door and let them free into that lost white room, her white lace quilt, two goose-down pillows, wrought iron frame, linens in the corner stacked neat in squares, sheer curtains drawn, light soft on my hands as they release, let rise those globe-blue oval orbs lighter than air where she sleeps dreams reads and answers when I say her name and reach for her like a balloon lifted by the sky, and I lie, beside myself with her here, two white slips on the wall that I might wonder why I’d stared at stars and awed in terror at the thought that trees’ long lasting way past me was right and think again how all books smelled like wood smoke and soap to me and why I prayed that I would die before I woke so sleep was all I’d know and kept up hope that where I’d find myself would be just water far as I could see and like a whale I’d weightless breathe light in and out and wait, and wait, for other souls to share with me what other things I hadn’t thought to think had died because who else but me would think about them quite like that, so that their lives could throb, could thrive.


MOLLY GAUDRY is the author of We Take Me Apart (Mud Luscious, 2009) and the editor of Tell: An Anthology of Expository Narrative (Flatman crooked, 2011). Her website is mollygaudry.com

:: ABOUT :: ISSUES :: SUBMISSIONS :: NEWS ::

ISSUE :: 2 ::


Ricky Garni :: How to Write Letters About God, pt. 1
  Yoo Hoo!
   
Larry O. Dean :: The Sound Effects Bible
   
Nicelle Davis
& Cheryl Gross
::
The Post-Partum Sideshow—or—What Do I Know About Being A Freak?
   
Tammy Ho
Lai-Ming
::
You Don't Know Me
   
E.E. King :: The Case of Dr. Dalton Plastic Surgeon
   
Dodie Bellamy :: from “Cultured”
   
Cristin O’Keefe
Aptowicz
::
List of Things You Have to Do
  The Happy Fun of Love
   
Stacey Wilson :: Photographs of two found poems
   
Claudia Lamar :: Ouija Board Transcripts
  excerpts
   
Claudia Lamar
& Elizabeth
Leavitt
::
fortunes + dibuixos
   
Caitlin Roper :: Ransom Note Poem #5
   
Molly Gaudry :: Die With Me When I Die
   
Travis
Macdonald
::
Chapter Four from “The Story”
   

Homage to the Strange Spirits

Clarice Lispector ::  from The Passion According to G.H.